Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Michael's haircut

He wouldn't pose for a photo, but Michael got his hair cut today.  He went to the barber for the 1st time since he was about 8 (he usually either buzzes it with the clippers or Flowbees it.  That's the haircutting machine that hooks up to a vacuum cleaner.) He had grown his hair so long, and he has so much of it that it was just too much.  He said he wanted to do something a little different with it.  He told the barber to leave it longer on the top.  He reminds me so much of my dad with this haircut.  Now when he pushes his food around on his plate while he's talking over dinner tonight, he will remind me even more of my dad than ever. :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Taking a Break

I am taking a much needed break from facebook (even though I really don't want to) to get my priorities straight.  I found it to be taking up way too much of my time.  I'm really not sure when I'll go back to it.  I've ordered a great book, The Broken Way, by Ann Voscamp, and am looking forward to it coming in the mail soon.  I even vacuumed, did 2 loads of laundry, washed, dried and put away dishes, and cleaned out the fridge before I left for work this morning.  It's amazing what I can get done when I'm not scanning through facebook all the time. :)

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Visits with Tim

On Christmas Eve Martha and I took a drive out to Newark to visit Tim.  Martha baked him an apple pie for Christmas and brought it for him to share with some at his home.  He was thrilled.  We had a nice ride and he seemed more alert today... less drugs, I'm sure of it.  When we got back to his place after our ride, he even posed for a picture with Martha and I, and with a smile on his face!



Yesterday I went to see him alone because Jim and Michele were visiting from Minnesota.  I told Tim that, and that Martha loved him and would come the next time.  He seemed a little zombie like when I picked him up, although he was happy to see me, as usual.   His shoe laces were all untied and I was afraid he might trip on them so I tied them for him.  He quickly ate his goodies, as usual, some baby carrots, wheat thins, and a few small store bought cookies.  I got my face in his in the car (at a stoplight) for some forced eye contact, and he looked at me with warm eyes and smiled.

Friday, November 04, 2016

Out For a Drive

10/28/16: So today I had a meeting reguarding my brother Tim.  About 10 people, caretakers, social worker, psychologist, nurse...  I wanted to address the fact that for the past year or so Tim has pretty much been a zombie and doesn't react to us.  In fact, the last time we had seen him he actually turned away several times when Martha and I tried to look at him.  Pretty much what I heard these people tell me in relation to my concern was that Tim is happy, he smiles, he has eye contact with them...  I was told that I don't see this probably because he is due for his next med ("happy pill") at 4:00, and we come at 2:30, meaning it's pretty much worn off.  Gimme a break!  They said that maybe Martha and I should come earlier, picking him up from Program.  I told them that he used to respond to us, and I passed around pictures of him happy and responsive, and a picture of him in a zombie like state.  Not sure I got anywhere with the meeting, but at least they know how I feel.  I ended up losing it and crying.  Hate it when I do that.

11/4/2016: Today I went to visit Tim alone because Martha had some other obligations.  He seemed maybe slightly less zombie like, although he was grinding his teeth when I picked him up and did it off and on through our whole visit, only stopping when I put my hand gently under his jaw and asked him to please stop.  I told him that he would be very sad when his teeth were all ground away and he could no longer eat apples and things that he likes, and that would make me sad too.  He ate the cut up apple and the peanuts and 5th Ave bar I brought him, but never looked my way and never smiled like he used to do up until last year.  I stroked the back of his hair and told him about why Martha wasn't there, and that she loved him and would probably be there next time.  I also told him that I would be going on a cruise and wouldn't see him for 3 weeks because of it.  I told him Hannah had a baby boy, asked him if he remembered Mom singing a certain couple of songs she used to sing him all the time (which I then sang), and we listened to Dad play his guitar and harmonica.  We got the standard chocolate frosty, which Tim downed in less than a minute, while I tried to keep his shirt clean by wiping all his messy drips.  I called Robyn (one of his caretakers) when I got home because she had mentioned something about Tim maybe being unhappy when he went out with us because maybe "his knees hurt" getting in and out of the car.  I told her that he doesn't act unhappy, but rather it's his complete lack of emotion that concerns us.  I told her if I waved my hand frantically in front of his face, I don't even think he'd blink.  It's almost like he's had a lobotomy.  I told her it's really heartbreaking to see him in this state.  She said she understood.  We'll see if things change at all.  I love him.  Sad he got a life like he did... but I know even he has blessings to count.

Thursday, November 03, 2016

I Wanna Live it Well...

Live It Well
Yeah
(I wanna live it well)
Yeah, yeah
(I wanna live it well)
Yeah
Take the burden from my arms
Take the anchors off my lungs
Take me broken and make me one
Break the silence and make it a song
Life is short; I wanna live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And you're the one I'm living for
Awaken all my soul
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short; I wanna live it well, yeah
I wanna sing with all my heart a lifelong song
Even if some notes come out right and some come out wrong
'Cause I can't take none of that through the door
Yeah, I'm living for more than just a funeral
I wanna burn brighter than the dawn
Life is short; I wanna live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

The One

The day is dark and I can't see
The path I'm on or what's in front of me
But I will stand on this I know
You will never let me go

For the one who holds tomorrow
Holds me in His hand
And I will not fear the future
I'll trust the Great I Am

His love is deep, His love is wide
A fountain flowing like a crimson tide
My stains were scarlet, but this I know
They've been washed as white as snow

For the one who holds tomorrow
Holds me in His hand
And I will not fear the future
I'll trust the Great I Am
Who has been and always will be
Reigning on His throne
For the One who holds me in His hand
Is the One who holds it all

Though the world shall fade away
And the sky may even fall
You are strong enough to save
You're the one who holds
Every heart that is afraid
You hear our desperate call
You are strong enough to save
You're the One who holds it all
You hold it all
You hold it all

For the one who holds tomorrow
Holds me in His hand
And I will not fear the future
I'll trust the Great I Am
Who has been and always will be
Reigning on His throne
For the One who holds me in His hand
Is the One who holds it all
You're the One who holds it all
You're the One who holds it all

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Streams in the Desert

I was crushed...so much so that I despaired even of life, but that was to make me rely not on myself, but on the God who raises the dead" (2 Cor. 1:8, 9).
"Pressed out of measure and pressed to all length;
Pressed so intensely it seems, beyond strength;
Pressed in the body and pressed in the soul,
Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure by foes, and a pressure from friends.
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.
"Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving the staff and the rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living a life in the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured."