Words from Katie...

"The truth is, I saw myself in those little faces.  I looked at them and felt this love that was unimaginable and knew that this is the way God sees me.  The children would run to me with gifts of stones or dirt and I saw myself, filthy and broken, offering my life to the God of the universe and begging Him to make me into something beautiful.  I sit here in a broken world, small and dirty at His feet, and He who sits so high chooses to commune with me, to love me anyway.  He blinds himself to my sin and filth so that He can forge a relationship with me.  And this is what he did for me with these precious children.  He blinded me to the filth and disease, and I saw only children hungry for love that I was eager to share with them.  I adored them, not because of who I was, but because of who He is.  I just sat right down on that cold, hard floor and snuggled my nose into their dirty necks and kissed their fungus-covered heads and didn't even see it.  I was in love."

I'm all confused

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why everyone's picture is displayed on their blogs except for mine, even though all of my settings seem right.  I probably spent an hour today trying to figure it out to no avail, so I finally just posted a picture and put my name above it.  I really am all confused. :\

My Day...

This morning I stayed in bed a little too long and was awakened by a phone call from my sister.  We had a nice chat, and I needed to get up anyway.  It was already 8:45am and I needed to wake Michael up and take him to the DMV to register his car.  Of course nothing ever goes smoothly when you go to the DMV.  We were asked if the car was insured.  I was sure it was since my husband wouldn't send me to register it if it wasn't.  I called Dave who assured me that it was and to call our insurance company to have them fax over the information.  Fortunately it didn't turn out to be too much of a pain, and surprisingly the DMV wasn't crowded...that was a 1st!  On the way home we picked up a couple of job applications for Michael.  He will be starting at a local community college in 2 weeks and needs to work part time.  Steven just took a job at our local McDonald's and I am very happy that he won't be sitting around the house wondering what to do with himself in the fall. :)  Maybe next spring we will pay for him to take an electrical course.  He has shown an interest, but we really wanted him to get a job too.  At around 1:30 I went to pick my mom up for our biweekly trip to Newark, NY to visit my brother, Tim.  He is always happy to see us and today was no different.  After shaking another residents hand and answering his question, "Do you have a cat?", we started on our way to the car for a drive and a snack.  We were about 15 minutes into our hour long visit when it got dark and started to pour.  It rained so hard that I could barely see out the windshield.  I could tell that Tim was a little stressed since he was sitting up a little straighter and was looking out the windows differently than usual.  When it thundered I saw him flinch slightly.  Then it started, the hand clapping and the noise that he makes when he's mad...or feeling stressed.  I tried to calm him by telling him that I loved a good downpour, and it adds a little more interest to our car ride...lol!  But, I couldn't sway him.  I got him a Frosty from Wendys and took him back to his house (not early, but when our visit was finished) but when we got out of the car in the rain (it was only raining lightly now), he clearly wasn't happy.  Mom and I kissed and hugged him goodbye in the rain.  As I held his hand as we walked down the sidewalk, he complained (in his own way) about the rain,  I responded back to him that it was "just a little rain and we're not going to melt."  We stepped through the front door into the kitchen of his home and he let go of my hand, took a few steps, and started crying and whacked himself a few times.  I am really desiring a communicator more and more so that he can tell me what he's thinking and why he acts the way he does sometimes.  I also want to know when I annoy him or if he likes it when I touch the back of his head and run my fingers through his hair, rub his arm, touch his hand, or if he'd rather not be touched.  I notice my mother talking to him less and less (she talks to everyone less) and I wonder what he thinks of that too.  Does he notice that we're losing her more and more?  I found myself slightly teary when I left him, and then shortly after we turned onto the street my
mother commented, "Well, we got that over with for another couple weeks!" It sounds to me like she's glad to not have to go back there for 2 weeks. :(  I can't even explain my feelings about him and her and our visit...overwhelming? sad? confusing?

Hugs and a kiss from Dave greeted me when I returned home.  That always makes things feel a little bit better. Dinner was good, spaghetti and meatballs and zucchini squash from Martha.  I mixed mine right in with my spaghetti this time, which my dear husband told me was weird, but I didn't think so.  It looked like fancied up healthy spaghetti to me and it was delicious.  I even found a picture just now, so someone else is "weird" like me too. :)
Today I noticed a touch of color to some of the trees already and the days are getting shorter.  Could summer be ending soon?  I wish it didn't go by so fast.

Newsboys - Live With Abandon (Lyric)

From our visit today. :)  Mom will never let Tim get away without her giving him a kiss and a hug.  He's a hug and kiss collector, he rarely gives them, although he gave the sweetest most tender hugs for a few months after our dad died.  We had a nice visit.

Still

Remembering Carefree Days...

Remember the carefree days of childhood?  Me too.  Sometimes I wish I was still a little girl and didn't have to make any big girl decisions.  Life was much less stressful when I was younger, even just a few short years ago when my boys were toddlers and I didn't know that one of them had a learning disability that would cause him to struggle all through his years of schooling and beyond.  All of us want the very best for our kids, and this isn't what I would have chosen, but God doesn't make any mistakes and He has a purpose and a plan for each one of us.  My son has been struggling lately.  It's difficult to understand, very hard to watch, and I feel just plain helpless.  It's a good thing we know Jesus because He knows and understands all things, and this makes us all the more dependent on Him.  I hope my boy is soon back to normal.  These days it seems like there is one tough decision after another, not just concerning him and his needs, but other things as well.